Oh, hello there. Sorry it has been some time since I last put something down into actual words to publish on this blog, but I have been quite busy of late. To put it in the words of a disheartened reader who recently emailed me to complain "I am slacking & it's not acceptable". So, where to begin? It's a tricky one as I have been up to many capers of late, including:

Getting put into a man called Floyd's cellular device as "Steve The Alien Allen"
Trapping some folk from Reading in a room until 7.15am
Meeting a rather strange man called Dimitri & wrestling him
Sitting in a fish & chip shop with a notice board advertising local housing & texting the numbers to inform them of spelling mistakes
Winning the football predictions at work
Putting up a darts board in the living room
Drinking about 4 bottles of Whyte & McKay whisky
Impromptu trips to the tip to deposit rubble bags of earth & an old boiler
Going out drinking at 9.30am (with Dimitri)
Buying up DVD's, including: Best Seller, High Heels & Low Lifes & Bowfinger
Buying a DVD called THX 1138 which is really very odd & has sent me to sleep twice (still haven't watched it the whole way through)
Getting almost obsessive about a film called "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story", which I have already seen 4 times
Having an argument with Tash about what pub to go to which eventually ended up with me going to the pub on my own, making some new friends at the bar & then getting a taxi to Sutton
Winning £85 on the last race at Cheltenham last Friday
Sending Rob Isaac a strange picture message of me cuddling a teddy bear. When I got into work on Monday he was very bemused by this which made me laugh all day. He just showed me his phone with the picture displayed & said "why"
Eating a plate of mince & pasta covered in cheese, I liked it
Buying some darts stuff from dartscorner.co.uk & enjoying very much so, yes, the catalogue they sent me with my order
Going out in Reading with Ben & teaching a man to salute- it's the longest way up, shortest way down
Watching Full Metal Jacket twice. When they do the press up's, due to Private Pile's jelly doughnut mishap, I like to join in
Watching Question Time & joining in with the crowd when they applaud & laugh. It makes you feel as if you're there
Amusing myself by doing the following: lifting weights whilst watching The Wire, going for a run & listening to Tommy Boyd’s podcasts, having a bath & then drinking half a bottle of whisky & posing as Gary Wilmot on Twitter. It's just something I like to do
Feeling the fascination
Having quite a few fry ups & on more than one occasion having two sausages & a fried egg in a sandwich
Tidying up the garden

I think that is enough for now, dear. I can't think of anything else now anyway. Except for that last week I really wanted to have some crange at work, so I had to drive with an open carton of cranberry juice & an open OJ in the car. The Cran was okay as it has a proper opening system which can be closed, but the OJ was a different kettle of fish altogether. I had to put it between my legs & be most careful when changing gear to prevent any spillages. It was an experience I do not wish to repeat.